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Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Fucking Frozen........This window has been open for the last several hours, as I tour the internet for intereting time wasting crap. I just lost my job two days ago. I have about 15 days sobriety after going out for one night in a foreign country. Before that my last drink was in 98 and last "smoke" was in 2001.

I am frozen.

Petrefied.

I need to move forward and find work.

My wife will leave me.

I will lose my family.

That is what the disease is waiting for.

I am fucking afraid of the self fulfilling prophecy.

Obsess about the worst possible outcome 24/7...

And it somehow comes true.

I wish I could turn it around to positive thinking / positive results.

But that will never happen.

Not to me anyways.

Fuck.

I am not sure what kind of an intro this is,

But this is my place to vent, and say what is on my mind.

More will be revealed as time passes.

First time blogging really...

Please feel free to send me an e-mail if you are reading this.

I am going to call my sponsor now, and go home and tell my wife I no longer have a job.

It is sometimes hard to breathe.

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